The Big Day

It is said that most women dream about the big day: their wedding day. We hear how many women fantasize about it, but what has not been talked about at length are those women who are different.

…..I dear to say that if a woman acknowledges the day of her job promotion as the biggest day in her life then it is so, and not the day she gets hitched.

What do I mean by “different”? I mean those women who are terrified of that day, those who are not eager to see that day, those who resent that day for whatever reason, and those who fear they may never see or enjoy that day.

Society see these sets of women as “the problem”, problematic, stubborn, man-haters, peculiar, or “in need of deliverance”. But I beg to differ: I see them as regular human beings whose feelings, thoughts and approach to life are valid.

A woman may have many reasons as to why her wedding day isn’t something special to think about. Take for instance, a lady who was raised in a home where her mum was treated as a maid and or beaten almost every day, would you think this young lady would see marriage as something she would want to go into? Or what about the lady who got raped several times in her life by her relative uncle or even stepdad, knowing what the wedding night stands for, do you think she would be eager to experience it after what she has been through?

Besides all those harsh reasons, think of girls who want to be very successful in their field, women who want to achieve their greatest desire like travelling the world, and she feels having a husband and children to look after would slow her down, this woman is therefore regarded as a shame to the society for her lust of worldly things.

The truth is, women cannot be one hundred percent perfect, they can only be who they are in order to be comfortable in life, because we all know that there are lots of women today who are not fulfilled with their life or the man they married, they are not happy but they have to hold on for the sake of culture or the wellbeing of their children.

I believe women should stop being perceived as whatever society dictates for them, they should be perceived as individuals free to have their own thoughts and beliefs. A wedding day should not be regarded as the “biggest day in a woman’s life” unless she herself regards it as such.

A woman should be allowed to make her own path, once it is in accordance and not in variance with Allah’s commandments, as she deems fit, with the support and guidance of the village, not with their pressure and judgements, I dear to say that if a woman acknowledges the day of her job promotion as the biggest day in her life then it is so, and not the day she gets hitched.

Things aren’t always perfect, save for our Deen, Muslim women aren’t different from non-Muslim women. The world is filled with people of different experiences and backgrounds, it is up to us to optimize the resources and make this world a comfortable place for Muslimahs to live in and feel loved, accepted and understood, after all, life doesn’t last as long as we think.

Written by Musa Rahima


  1. Khairah Adedotun

    Lovely. I love that this was addressed. But dare I mention that in this society of ours too, if a woman looks at her wedding day as the biggest day of her life -then she is shamed too.
    I, for one, has experienced it first-hand and I have been made to look at marriage as something that makes me less of a human being. I have been told to live life and fufill all of my goals before I even think of marriage. Anytime the topic is brought up, I’m reminded that “you rush into marriage, you rush out” so I should have all of the degrees under the sun first, before I marry.
    I know that all these points are valid, and they are advise from well-meaning people. But I wish, I could be told more often to marry a man that supports my goals -instead of not to marry until I’ve fulfilled my goals. I wish I could be told that “anytime you find someone you want to marry, let us as the society help look at him for you so we would tell you whether he is suitable or not”, instead of “if you rush in, you rush out”.
    Now unfortunately, the idea of marriage absolutely terrifies me, and I hope that one day, by Allah’s Rahmah, I wouldn’t be so scared of it when the right man comes along.

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